I once lent my best friend money. My mother and my father told me that I will lose my money and my friend. I told them that would never happen. My mom and dad got it right. They have been there. The more I listen the more I see that this happens to almost everyone. The amounts may differ, but the sad endings are all the same.

We all have that one friend that conveniently leaves their wallet at home when the bill arrives in a restaurant at the end of a meal. You know, that guy that searches in his pockets frantically and then has that coy look on his face, and lands up having no money on him, again. Yes, some people are simply tight when it comes to the dosh. But we take it on the chin.

What happens though when someone asks you to lend them money. This is never an easy situation. Perhaps you can’t afford to help them. Or perhaps you are dealing with your own pressures and just can’t handle anything more at the present time. Whatever the reason it is something one can’t just dismiss. Friends are there for each other, but, as we all have learned, when it comes to money and friends, it very rarely ends well. Yes, we all wish we could help everyone who needs it, but in reality we can’t.

Friends in business most often land up fighting. Perhaps because friends expect more from each other. When a bank loans a person money they are not doing it out of friendship. There is paperwork and checks and balances. And there is a business reason. That is how the bank generates its revenues. And if something goes wrong it could get serious and litigious. But, when a friend makes a mistake it generally gets emotional, and that never solves anything.

I have lost a few friends because of money. The money can be earned again, but the friendship is gone. If money was no object and you wanted to help everyone around you, then go wild. But, if you dealing with your own challenges and a friend asks you to give them some financial help then what do you do? Sometimes you do help, and sometimes you just don’t know how to respond.

A mentor friend told me once that the next time someone asks me to help them financially that I should do the following: Offer them 10% of the required amount as a gift. That way you don’t expect it back, and your trust and your friendship will be preserved. And if 9 other friends now help that person too, then everything will be in harmony. This sage life guidance has been put into practice a few times, and I have lost no further friends.

http://coolfidence.com/what-to-do-when-someone-asks-you-to-lend-them-money-solution-20031

Here is a leading question: are you motivated by money? Most people would say yes. But the truth is, money does not motivate anyone. Money moves people. Motivation comes from the fact that you believe in what you are doing. It is something that you feel, like when you are fulfilled about the work you do. Motivation comes from inspiration, passion and a sense of purpose. Many people do things they don’t enjoy simply to earn money. Doing what you love and loving what you do is all about motivation.

When you are into something you get excited. You sometimes struggle to sleep at night and you shoot out of bed the next day as soon as the sun is up. This is what a motivated person does. It is an emotional response to the possibility of doing something amazing in the world.

Let’s have a look at a colourful example. Ok, picture in your mind a cold winter’s period. We need you to come clean our offices early in the morning tomorrow, before everyone gets to work that day. We want to give the cleaning crew a day off and we need someone to pitch in. We need you. Now, is there anything we could say that would inspire you to help us? Would you feel fulfilled about doing this? No. But if we offered you a big pile of cash you would be there in a flash. Money moves people. But it does not motivate them. A very simple example, but you get the point. Now if we asked you to come in and clean up as part of a team effort to get the office ready for an important pitch that could benefit everyone? That’s motivating without money – it’s motivating with purpose.

The hard truth in this world we live in is that many people do things without any motivation. They do these things because they need the money to survive, and they do them without necessarily any chance for personal growth. This does not mean however that they are not enthusiastic or happy. For from it. But their work is about earning a living to provide for their families. And perhaps they are passionate and inspired. The point is that when you are motivated to do something it is not about money – it is because you have a dream and you will work around the clock to try make it happen.

http://coolfidence.com/money-does-not-motivate-you-it-moves-you-there-is-a-difference-solution-20029

Malcolm Gladwell: Major success stories, whether in music, business or life, have much in common. They usually share a path of extended trial and error; overcoming severe adversity; continuous experimentation; and perseverance. Those behind the successes require a modest level of ability to get into the game. But once you possess that base, the only differentiator is what you put in, not apparent genius.

Selling is a fundamental part of an entrepreneur’s journey. We are all selling, all the time. Internally and externally. Inspiring, motivating, sharing. We love what we do, and we do what we love. It doesn’t always love us back though. And this is where character comes into it. Being an entrepreneur requires strength, and grace.

When you sell something you love you are just doing what comes naturally. It is a labour of love. It is not a hustle. Hustling is when you have to sell something for money — not for love.

Selling, selling, selling and more selling. That is what it means to be an entrepreneur. Knocking on doors, breaking the ice, winning friends, and influencing people. These are all part of the package.

That is what entrepreneurs do – they take risks. And in my view, it is not only about money. As my one mentor often reminds me, “Risk everything in life but your reputation”. Yes, the stakes extend far beyond hard cash. When we try something our confidence is gambled. Also, our credibility may be on the line. And if we win then everyone wants a part of it, but if we lose, well, then we are on our own. One has to be strong.

Taking risks – that is the path. Entrepreneurs would always rather ask for forgiveness than for permission. Yes, entrepreneurs take chances.

http://coolfidence.com/entrepreneurs-take-risks-solution-20025

Your behaviour is fundamental. Be professional. Say what you mean, and mean what you say, and never say it in a mean way.

Leadership is not about strategy as much as it is about character. Sometimes you will be required to make hard decisions. It is one thing to be tough minded, but never be hard hearted. And never forget, that leadership is not a popularity contest.

Personality opens doors but character keeps them open. Keep your promises. Walk your talk.

Leadership is about being responsible for other people. You can’t fake this – you need to care. It is about having respect for all people. It is about team work, and it is about growing people.

http://coolfidence.com/leadership-is-no-popularity-contest-solution-20023

“What’s in a name?” is what Shakespeare wrote. A lot! Especially if this person is an important customer or a productive co-worker. Using someone’s name creates a rapport and intimacy with that person. Names are important – we need to try and remember them.

http://coolfidence.com/how-to-remember-someones-name-every-time-and-what-to-do-if-you-forget-solution-20021

Purpose is about having meaning. A sense that what you are doing comes from a place deep in your heart. It is about doing something you believe in – something you want to do, with all your being. But purpose is both a privilege and a curse. A true purpose most often becomes an obsession and it keeps your mind racing until the small hours each and every night. There is no switching off from a calling.

Most people do not think about this word. And that is not good or bad. In my experience, the majority of people are trying to make a living, and balance the budget, and one has to respect that. Paying the rent is important. Feeding your family is fundamental. But sometimes, people get excited about something. A vision that keeps them bouncing off the walls. An excitement that they can’t let go of. And sometimes this vision, coupled with intense work, leads to glory, and sometimes it does not. I don’t believe that people with a sense of purpose ever really considered that it could lead them to wealth. There was an itch and it needed to be scratched. The motivation was all about climbing that mountain. Making a difference, adding something to the world, doing what you believe in. And when one does it well, and when luck shines on you, then yes, the result could be financially rewarding.

I don’t think one wakes up and goes “How do I find a purpose?”. I think it just happens. But, there are ways to discover this sense. Finding one’s purpose is a journey of self-discovery, and it is not for everyone. And again, that is not good or bad. It takes a lot of strength to follow a dream.

http://coolfidence.com/how-do-you-find-purpose-solution-20022

No matter how hard you work, how good you are, how smart you are, luck always plays a role in everything you do. In work, in health and in love. Without luck all bets are off.

There is luck that comes from above, and it is unexplainable. And then there is luck which we can influence. Being kind, in my view, makes you luckier. Being a misery generally seems to attract further misery, and there is no luck in that.

Gary Player once said that the more you practice the luckier you get. Yes, luck certainly does favour the persistent. There is no substitute in life for hard work. People who work hard generally are luckier than people who are lazy.

Bob Metcalfe, who founded the tech company 3Com, once said “I didn’t make money from inventing the Ethernet; I made money from waking up early in cheap hotels rooms all around the world.”

I could go on and on, quoting many famous people, who all said similar things. I like these quotes. They are spot on. Mr. Metcalfe’s comment in particular – he had to make the luck happen. Creating the Ethernet computer network was not enough. He still had to knock on doors and turn over every stone he could find. Knocking on doors makes you luckier – that I have learned over the past 30 years.

The American industrialist J. Paul Getty once said the secret to success was: “You wake up early, you work hard, and you find oil.” He hit the jackpot! Tomorrow you could get up in the morning, and find gold in your back yard, and the rest will be history. Of course, the more you dig, the more you have a chance to find the glory at the end of the rainbow. But one thing is for sure, if you dig for oil in the wrong place you are not going to find it.

http://coolfidence.com/how-do-i-get-luckier-solution-20016

The thing about luck is being able to recognize it when it hits. If you dig for oil in a place where there is no oil then you will never have any luck. So, when you know something and you ignore it, then that is bad luck. And conversely, if you try take a product to market in a place where there is demand, well, then, you are in a with a chance. Luck is all about having a chance to win. And the more you try, the closer you will get to your realize your goal.

We live in an age of instant, ubiquitous connection. Never before has it been as quick and as easy to get hold of someone. Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Skype, FaceTime … who even needs to call anymore? Who even needs to meet, face to face, one to one, person to person?

Well, we are an international group of people – entrepreneurs, coders, film-makers, creative thinkers and doers – who firmly believe the answer is: everyone.

We believe there is no substitute for a real-life connection, a real-time conversation, a real-world relationship. And we’re here to show you our approach. We’re here to show you Coolfidence.

Coolfidence means just what it says. It’s a cool confidence, or a confident coolness. It’s a way of breaking the ice, kick-starting conversations, winning hearts and minds, capturing imaginations, building bridges and igniting sparks.

Coolfidence is a set of tools, a set of techniques, a set of opportunities and possibilities. What it isn’t, is a set of rules. We’re not a school, we’re a resource. We’re not an institute, we’re a movement. We’re not a lecture, we’re a conversation.

So join in. We’d like to get to know you. We’d like to make a connection. We’d like to show you a few fun and easy ways of getting to know people better. And don’t worry, you won’t even have to switch off your phone. Just tune in to our wavelength for a while, look around, play around, and let us know what you think. We’re pretty Coolfident that you’ll like what you see.

http://www.coolfidence.com