We are in control

I just got back from the gym. Sounds more serious than it is. I am not a “gym person”. I was exercising for an hour and had a proper sweat. I have been pretty good lately. Going about 5 days a week. Today at the gym I was on the bicycle machine and I did some thinking.

I can’t say I enjoy going to the gym but I do appreciate the result. A good sweat makes me sleep better and I feel physically good. Also, it keeps my weight in check.

I often “plan” on going to the gym and then for some reason it doesn’t happen that day. Everything distracts me, like work, work and more work. And most of the time it is legit, but things like admin and bill paying etc. can wait. Exercise is more important. I keep telling myself I will go later, and I then land up getting into bed that night angry with myself. And of course I tell myself, “I will go tomorrow”.

Here this is the thought I had today : if I don’t go to the gym and exercise, even for 30 minutes, then I only have myself to blame. In short, we are in control of our happiness. When you invest in yourself only you can determine the size of the investment. Either you exercise for 30 minutes or an hour day, and feel fulfilled, or you don’t. We are in total control here and so it goes for just about everything else. If there is something or someone you don’t like out there, for example, then stay away from them. Yes, this is all in our hands. Spend time on the things that are good for you, things and people that feed your soul, and stay away from the negative forces.

I know this is a rather simplistic view on life, and here’s the thing. We all over complicate life. Simplicity is what genius is about. I am more and more convinced of it. Simplicity is about happiness. I believe this to be true.

I am no genius. I need to simplify. That will be the smart thing to do. I don’t think I am dumb, so what is stopping me.

Simplification, happiness and discipline. These are my thoughts from today’s gym session. Exercising every day. This should be a simple thing to make real.

The Bunster

The Bun is 3 months old today. Wow, what a blur. I was told that this time will fly by, and it did. So many nights of little sleep, wondering if we are doing everything right, never quite sure what the Bun will do next, and then throw in the corona anxiety, and by now I could sleep for a week. I would not change a thing though – it has been a magical time. Bunster for Prez !!!

Here are 7 Bun pics – one for each day of the week. Everyday for the past 3 months has been Bunday.

Wishing everyone a peaceful new year. May 2021 bring some calm to the world, and more laughter. Laughter will always be the best medicine.

This has not been an easy year at all. Phew !

Thank you to anyone who is reading this and who supported me this past year … to my family and friends. And most importantly, a le chaim for the Bun’s mom, who I love to bits.

The Bun in October

I remember those last few years of high school. I remember driving my mom a bit mad sometimes. When you are a teenager you know everything. And now, I know that I know very little. The arrival of the Bun has highlighted this for me.

If you had told me a month ago that this little creature is going to fill me with love I would have heard you, but not understood. It is like a switch has been turned on, and can never be turned off again. I believe this is mother nature at play. It is a sensation so primal that it has nothing to do with intelligence and all to do with biology. These are God given powers that awakened when the Bun entered the picture.

I look at the Bun and I see this innocent and vulnerable little being that just needs love and care. And this is what I suddenly seem to have in abundance. I have amazed myself in the past month.

It has been an intense time, and all the usual experiences I have been told about are there. Little sleep, nappy changes in the small hours, crying when he wants to eat, and when he needs his bum cleaned, etc. I have had many nights recently thinking about this innocent little man. As a storyteller I wonder about this innocence. When does he lose it? I hope never.

If you put a bunch of kids on a patch of lawn and give them a soccer ball they can play all day. And it doesn’t matter what culture or colour the kids are. Kids are innocent. When then do they get told “You can’t play with those other kids.” Who tells them this? I don’t want the Bun anywhere near those kinds of people. I don’t want people telling the Bun who he can and can’t play with. I want the Bun to embrace all people, and let kindness be the thing he cares about most. To be kind, and to find others that are kind too. Kind people are good people.

Yes, the late nights of little sleep have given me a lot of time to think, and wonder. I think about how lucky we are. And I thank God every day for what we have. Food in the fridge, a warm bed, clean clothes, a comfortable home. This Bun is blessed. He certainly won the ovarian lottery.

I think about something I heard many years ago. Some dialogue from a film where a man and a woman are talking. He is showing her a picture of his two kids from a photo in his wallet. And she says to him, “Are your kids special?” He answers her with passion, “They are very very special.” She looks at him and goes, “Everyone’s kids are special. So how come with all these special kids in the world we have so many ordinary adults.”

My mind is still ticking over. I now start thinking of the extraordinary situation the world is in this year with the corona virus pandemic, and the fact that we are with the Bun all day and night. There is hardly any social activity at present and going out to the shops or a restaurant is not happening. We buy what we need online more and more, and the Bun is under our wing just about every minute of the day. It is intense, for sure, but it is also magical and surreal.

I have lived a very unusual life, and I have done so much. I have won and I have lost. And I never stop trying. This year has been particularly hard, I reckon for most people. And then came the Bun and even with minimal sleep, and maximum tiredness, things feel much better. The Bun represents hope. The chance to nurture a kind soul. I think about kindness all the time – it is what the world needs a lot more of. I hope and pray the Bun will be as kind as can be.

When you are young you lack confidence and you are way more insecure. I am at a point in my life where I don’t worry about anything as much as I did 30 years ago. And also, I know there is nothing out there that I missing out on. I have had a very full life and have had a lot of joy and a lot of pain. This gives me perspective, and when I look at the Bun I know that there is nothing more magical that is what is right in front of me. Talk about wonder.

You can read about being a parent, and you can listen to other parents, and your own mom and dad, but there is nothing that truly prepares you. In the past month my life is totally different. Things went from theory to practice in a flash. It is like going from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye. It is surreal. And the time goes by so fast. One month with the Bun was a blur.

I never thought I would be so excited to see runny kaka. When the Bun cuts one, I light up. But I have a view that one only feels this way about their own baby. Like when you own a car. If you have to clean it, that can be relaxing. But no one wants to clean their friend’s car. And if you scratch your car, it can drive you mad, but no one else notices the scratch, or cares. Yes, the Bun is a very personal experience, and it is biological and natural. This is how it is meant to be. This is how we all got here.

You don’t always have to win. But you always have to be kind. That is my closing message here. I want the Bun to be as kind as possible. Kind is beautiful.

The Bun in September

The Bun came into the world one week ago, on Tuesday the 29th of September 2020 at 11:45 am. That week we played Earth Wind and Fire’s classic song September a few times to add to the magic. So yeah, at the time of the crazy corona, along came the Bun. I wonder if the Bun will recognize me one day without a face mask (just kidding – I only wear a face mask when I leave the house, which is not often this year).

The Bun has hypnotized us, and I am crying a lot, for no reason I can explain, other than sheer joy. I love magic and this is true wonder. The bun is real magic.

I am 53 years old and I became a dad. Yes, I have some backache and other ailments (nothing serious – just wear and tear), but I also have wisdom and confidence. Sure, I am way busier than I was 20 years ago, but, I am busy with things I love, and I love this little Bun.

Wisdom comes from age, and so does perspective. I can appreciate the magic more now than if I was in my 30’s, say.

I have had a helluva journey through life and I have seen and done a lot of shit. I have had highs and I have had lows. But I ain’t seen or experienced anything like this Bun. I have never wanted to be hypnotized before, but this is a whole new ballgame.

When I was younger I was trying to climb so many mountains. And I reached a few summits and it was glorious. There were also many many falls along the way, and they were painful. The pain never leaves you, but it does give you experience and perspective, and this translates into a good and valuable view of what is important.

We are still busy climbing some mountains. We have a very important film project on the go this year. Our first documentary project, “57”, and the stakes are high.

There has been little sleep in this first week, and there has been some stress. But it’s all good – the view from Bun mountain is totally captivating.

Burning Man

The stimulus checks they have kept the system from exploding are now in limbo, as the senate is out of town on a 3 day weekend. We have to believe they know how urgent and volatile this – of course they do.

Turns out the Democrats and the Republicans cannot reach an agreement. And surely a halfwit could have seen this train smash coming. Looks like politics is the order of the day, with both parties playing high stakes games with each other. They knew this deadline was coming, and I can imagine there are now millions of Americans more anxious than ever. And make no mistake, the rest of the world is going to feel it too. If America burns we will all suffer.

Sustaining the entire US economy is currently about unemployment checks and putting money in the hands of Americans, so they can spend. This is what the news keeps telling us.

The word “desperation” is something else that comes to mind, and it is bad for everyone, including you and me. Leadership in America is lacking.

Simply extending the stimulus is not a sustainable solution but right now, as you read this, they need to do something. Too many Americans are out of work, and the job market is bad bad bad. The number of job applicants for each job available is accelerating. There are more people looking for jobs then there are jobs on offer. People are typically not lazy and waiting for their stimulus checks. They are trying to survive and right now millions could be evicted and very soon without money for food. And the government leaders have gone away and we are all left wondering. What about the urgency. Again, they must know this. So, WTF?!

We are in the middle of a pandemic, and we are in the thick of things. The economy is getting hammered. Where is the vision, and long term view. This is not about people waiting for unemployment benefits. Sure, there will be some tales of people who are  getting more than their actual previous salaries, but that is not the story here. The story is that the GDP dropped more in the last quarter than ever before in America’s history, and tens of millions of Americans may soon have no money for food. Big shit is coming. To everyone.