Great Planning

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Rum before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

Age

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age,” Bob replied.

“What?  Did you tell her you were only 50?

“Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”