20 years

A woman awakes during Valentine’s night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee…

‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room.

The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?’ he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

‘Yes, I do’ she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

‘Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?’

‘Yes, I remember!’ said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said: ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’

‘I remember that too’ she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…”I would have been released today.. !!!”

Great Planning

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Rum before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.