A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!

In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

“We missed the R !!!
We missed the R !!!
We missed the bloody R !!!”

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old Abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”

With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, “The word was …

CELEBRATE!”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of Varsity, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies, “In the region of $1,250,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ vacation, all expenses paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Mustang?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’

Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’

Great mental exercise for the over-60 crowd.  Which of the following names are you familiar with?

1. Monica Lewinsky

2. Spiro Agnew

3. Benito Mussolini

4. Adolf Hitler

5. Jorge Bergoglio

6. Alfonse Capone

7. Vladimir Putin

8. Linda Lovelace

9. Saddam Hussein

10. Tiger Woods

You had trouble with #5, didn’t you?

You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts, and cheaters, but you don’t know the Pope??

Lovely, just lovely … sometimes I worry about you.

This is an old Jewish fable …

The only cow in a small town in Ukraine stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 500 rubles.

Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise Rabbi what to do.

They told the Rabbi what was happening. They explained: “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The Rabbi pondered this for a while and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?”

The people were amazed and dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they got the cow from.

“You are truly a wise Rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?

The Rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.”