Two Aussies

Two Australians were sitting around and talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while, the first Australian says to the second,”If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?”

The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.

Finally he says, “Well, I don’t know about related, but I reckon it’d make us even!!!”

Old friends

Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Russ didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something… But after Russ hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Russ!

Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?’

Russ replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Sam. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Russ said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’  ‘Yeah,’ said Sam, ‘I remember her. What about her?’

‘Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ‘guilty’.

‘The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’