The real robbers

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: “Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.”

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called “Mind Changing Concept.” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!”

This is called “Being Professional.” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): “Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”

The older robber rebutted and said: “You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!”

This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called “Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.” 

This is called “Killing Boredom.” Personal happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: “We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!”

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

So who are the real robbers here?

Lawyers

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home. He was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn’t say he had no children, because as an officer of the court he couldn’t lie (as we all know, lawyers cannot, and do not lie).

So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their 12 kids.

He took the remaining kid with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes, and the price was right.

The agent asked: “How many children do you have?”

He answered: “Twelve.”

The agent asked, “Where are the others?”

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, “They’re in the cemetery with their mother.”

MORAL : It’s not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words, and don’t forget, most politicians are lawyers.

The brightest kid in the class

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some history”.

Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.

“Very good!

Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”

Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing, “Let’s try one a bit more difficult – Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?”

Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, little Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “Fuck the Japs.”

“Who said that? — I want to know right now!?” She angrily demanded.

Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.’

The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! — Now who said that?”

Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? — Suck this!”

Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit! — If you say anything else — I’ll kill you!”

Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.”

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re screwed!”

Little Akio said quietly, “The South African people, when they hear Cyril Ramaphosa say, “My fellow South Africans”.