Black eye

It’s better than ‘I walked into a door’ …


Bob, an undertaker, came home with a black eye.

“What happened to you?” asked his wife.

“I had a terrible day,” replied Bob “I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep.

When I got there, the manager said they couldn’t get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was the big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection,

So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half.”

“I see,” said his wife, “that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?”

“WRONG ROOM.”

Under the bed

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you so don’t bother coming after me.”, and hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walking towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone, “She’s finally gone … yeah I know, about bloody time. I’m coming to pick you up so put on the sexy French shit. I love you”.

He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote;, “I can see your feet. Stop being ridiculous. We’re outta bread. Put the coffee on … back in 5”.