Don’t take it all seriously

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Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend
an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he’s 97 years old and we
don’t know where the hell he is..

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

I joined a health club last year …
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven’t lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they’ll say,
‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, …
… just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it …

… and

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour, and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

The power of education, or lack of it …

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http://techcrunch.com/2013/06/01/after-your-job-is-gone/

“Trouble is, our societies and economies are built around the assumption of mass employment, and we’ll need some pretty wrenching adjustments to that paradigm to deal with the changes to come.”

“Do you believe education will save you, and/or your children? Sorry. Not all of the well-educated will find good jobs; increasingly, some won’t find jobs at all. Meanwhile, the cost of higher education keeps climbing higher and higher. Peter Thiel is already arguing that “we’re in a bubble and it’s not the Internet. It’s higher education.” .. It’s possible that universities will start to seem almost like casinos: great for the winners, but you’d actually be better off not going at all than paying to go and failing to win.”

Art in a Mall

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The Rijksmuseum in Holland had an idea: Let’s bring the art to the people and then, hopefully, they will come to see more – at the museum. They took one painting of Rembrandt’s from 1642, “Night Watch” and brought to life the characters in it, placed them in a busy mall and the rest you can see for yourself!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/a6W2ZMpsxhg?feature=player_embedded

Here’s a link to the actual painting:

www.rembrandtpainting.net/rembrandt%27s_night_watch.htm

Rembrandt

Ploughing the land

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A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”

The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”

“No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”

Dig

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An old man lived alone in Cape Town. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Clemence, who used to help him, was in Polsmoor Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

“Dear Clemence, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Papa”

A few days later he received a letter from his son. “Dear Papa, For heaven’s sake, Papa, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I Buried the BODIES. Love, Clemence.”

At 4 A.M. the next morning, the Scorpion Unit, NIA agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

“Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Clemence.”