A trip of note
An airline introduced a special package for business men. Buy your ticket; get your wife’s ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how the trip was.
All of them gave the same reply… “What trip?”
Can you see this … be honest !
Baked beans
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute … “do you know who the father is?”
“For heaven sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?”
Excellence
“A firm resolve to succeed seems to shine out of those rare individuals who are able to move well-nigh impossible barriers to potential. This resolve carries them through a multitude of situations and people challenges that to the ordinary person does not seem possible or worthwhile attempting. These rare individuals seem to have entered into a contract with destiny, because they simply refuse to lie down and give up their search for excellence …”
Magic
Magic is making deliberate, calculated actions seem random. – Gus Silber
Without a script a magician is just doing a trick and not performing magic. Without a script there is no respect for the process. Like a comedian who is unprepared on stage … you can only fake it for a few seconds. Without a script there is no magic – there is no soulful laughter – there is no comedy.
Politics
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is politics?’
Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny …
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’
The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’
The little boy replies, ‘The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.’
The journey …
“In one of the scenes of Ridley Scott’s “Kingdom of Heaven”, a young blacksmith is given the opportunity to join his estranged father on a journey to Jerusalem in the Holy Land. Although Balian (the blacksmith) decides not to take up the invitation, his father gives him simple instructions on how to join them on the journey if he later decides to do so: “If you ever want to find Jerusalem, go to where the men speak Italian, then continue until they speak something else.”
Destiny
“Humankind is given the divine power to decide on the direction of his or her feelings and thoughts. We call that freedom of choice. We may not have control over all situations in life, but we have control of the direction of our feelings and thoughts. Our choices determine our characters and ultimately our destinies.”
Golf and learning
A man is watching a game of golf on TV.
But he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.
“I don’t know whether to watch them or the game”, he says to his wife.
“For Heaven’s sake, watch them,” his wife says. “You already know how to play golf!
PrettyApt 