Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.

The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could not speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it was decided that this would be a “silent” debate.

On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and chalice of wine.

Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and said, “I concede the debate. This man has bested me. The Jews can stay.”

Later, the Cardinals gathered around the Pope, asking him what had happened. The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us of our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”

Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Rabbi Moishe, asking what happened. “Well,” said Moishe, “first he said to me, ‘You Jews have three days to get out of here.’ So I said to him, ‘Up yours’. Then he tells me the whole city would be cleared of Jews. So I said to him, ‘Listen here Mr. Pope, the Jews … we stay right here!”

“And then?” asked a woman.

“Who knows?” said Rabbi Moishe. “We broke for lunch.”

To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused from jury duty.

“Tell me,” rapped the judge, “Is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in the trial?”

The man replied: “I don’t want to be away from my job that long.”

“Can’t they do without you at work?” demanded the judge.

“Yes,” admitted the juror. “But I don’t want them to realize it.”

Take one Weetbix.

Take an Aero chocolate bar.

Crumble the Aero over the Weetbix.

Voila!

AEROBIX !

Two Hasidic Jews, went to Pincus the tailor for new suits.

“Pincus,” Yacov said, “the last time we came to you for new suits, we told you we wanted black suits. The suits you made us were not black. They were sort of dark gray maybe, but not black.

We need new suits, and this time we want black suits, from the darkest black cloth there is.” Pincus reached behind for a bolt of cloth and he said, “See this cloth? It is from this fabric that I make the habits for nuns. In all the world,” Pincus said, fingering the bolt of fabric, “there is no blacker cloth than the cloth I make nun’s habits from … And it is from this cloth that I’ll make your new suits!”

A few weeks later the two Hasidic Jews were walking down the street in their new suits when they passed two nuns. Impulsively, on a whim, one of the men went up to one of the nuns. He grabbed her sleeve and held it up against his own. Then, in an angry voice, he muttered something to his friend and they both walked on. “What did that man want?” one nun asked the other.

“I don’t know,” she replied, “he looked at my garment, said something in Latin, and left.”

“In Latin?” asked the first nun. “What did he say?”

He said, “Marcus, Pincus fuctus.”