Treading water

I have been swimming a bit at my brother’s house here in JHB. It is not winter yet, so the water is not freezing, but it has been cold. I am told that a cold swim does wonders for trauma. It certainly wakes me up.

I have been feeling quite unproductive this past month. I know I am always hard on myself so I should probably not worry about treading water for a while. Marta tells me that all her friends back in Ukraine have the same feeling. And my friends still in Kyiv are saying similar things too. It is hard to focus. The past month has been an up and down roller coaster of emotions.

I am always so busy. Now, when I look back, I am not even sure what consumed my time. I am pretty sure a lot of it was just nonsense. My film friend Craig told me it sounds like I am depressed. I have never suffered from depression before, and I am not sure I am depressed. I am always so excited about life, and about all the wonder out there, and the magic we have inside. But now, when I look at the images that are being published from the towns outside of Kyiv, and what those Russian savages have done, I am just lost for words. Actually, I am just feeling lost. Wondering all the time about what is important in life. And thinking, how can this horror be happening in this day and age?!

Things sound quiet in Kyiv now. Our friend Zhanna told me that the Saturday and Sunday nights were not filled with gunshots and bomb blasts, like in the past month. For the past 5 weeks I would pray that my friends in Kyiv were all safe and ok. I miss them, and hope to see them again soon. Everyday we check to see if our apartment building is still there. It is, and everyone is ok. What an insane reality.

The one things that is keeping me sane is writing and our story telling work on the Ukraine documentary film, which we started in 2018. My film director friend Craig, and Janine and Jol, the editing wizards, are capturing and going through a ton of Zoom sessions with people currently in Ukraine, and some who have now left the country, and what we are seeing is powerful and moving.

Alec Hogg from BizNews had a conversation with me on Friday. I listened to it over the weekend. I can’t believe that any of this can be happening. If America and the West doesn’t help Ukraine more then this evil will spread, and then God help us all. The entire world may be treading water soon if this nightmare is not stopped, permanently.