The overturned golf cart

Posted on by

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s John, and I’m okay thanks” I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

“John, she said, “forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on now” Elizabeth insisted.

She was so very pretty, very, very sexy and very persuasive … I was weak.

“Well okay,” I finally agreed but thought to myself, “my wife won’t like it.”

After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d best go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Still under the cart, I guess” I said.

What do you do when you see a typo in a mass mail shot?

Posted on by

We all make mistakes, er, typos. And sometimes the playful auto-correct feature turns a typo into a word that we did not intend. Yes, this is a common source of embarrassment. Sending a friend or colleague a typo is one thing, but when your company sends out a mail shot and there is a typo in it, it never feels good.

If you do send out an e-mail or a text to someone with a typo then you can always message them again and say “oops, there was a typo”, etc. But, when you are doing a mass mailer, you can’t really do that.

I have been involved in quite a few online ventures and we have had our fair share of typos. It looks amateurish when it happens and you feel stupid, but you survive.

Typos come in different shapes and sizes. Big mistakes are when you send the right mail to the wrong person. And small typos are like this won, er, this one. Ok, that was on people, er, on purpose.

Of course, if it is big typo, like you got the date wrong for the start of the big sale, then you have to send out a new mailer with an apology and a correction.

Typos are not cool, but they are part of this new world. We obviously try our best to make sure that they don’t happen.

The bottom line about a typo in a mass mail shot is this: Nothing. You do nothing. It’s too late. Don’t forget the Streisand effect. So just leave it.

If you do have a typo then life will go on. Thank those that helped you by bringing it to your attention, and put more measures in place to make sure this does not happen again.

http://coolfidence.com/what-do-you-do-when-you-see-a-typo-in-a-mass-mail-shot-solution-20033

Wine Taster

Posted on by

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said: ‘It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.’

“That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass …

This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.’

“Correct.” A third glass …

“It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father …”

Farmer Jack

Posted on by

Farmer Jack once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

So Farmer Jack called the local police station to complain, “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.

“What do you want me to do?” asked the policeman.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:
SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer Jack called the policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer Jack called and said, “Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?”

In order to get Farmer Jack off his back said “Sure. Put up your own sign.”

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, “How’s the problem with the speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down.

So he drove out to Farmer Jack’s house. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
‘NUDIST COLONY’
‘Slow down and watch for chicks!