HER SIDE OF THE STORY:

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it. I don’t remember doing anything to make him upset, but could tell there was something wrong.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. But I wasn’t really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him, and he just put his arm around me I didn’t know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn’t say it back or anything.

We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me Why didn’t he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it, but he just switched on the TV. Why would he rather watch TV than talk to me?

Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep, hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk. I was so hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going through emotional turmoil.

Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared an intimate experience like that, but he still seemed really distracted. So afterwards I just wanted to leave because I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep. He didn’t even notice how upset I was I don’t know, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I’m on emotional overload. I’m so confused. I don’t think he loves me anymore. Why does he have to play mind games with me? I mean, do you think he’s met someone else?

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY:

Played badly today – shot 83 – can’t putt. Felt kinda tired. Got laid though.

Two first year university students who have been getting A symbols in actuarial science all year decide to go on a party weekend before the final exam.

The extended fun and a massive hangover cause the students to miss the all-important exam.

The next day they beg the lecturer for a re-write and state that they would have made the exam but they had an unexpected flat tyre.

The lecturer is not all that convinced but writes out two identical tests and sends the students to two separate rooms.

The first question, for five marks, asks about complex annuities.

The second question, for 95 marks, asks: which tyre was it?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question? … What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered … is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day … or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT … make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

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Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now … what is the moral to this story?

Scroll down

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The moral is: If you don’t let a woman have her own way… Things are going to get ugly!

Letter to British Rail

Gentlemen, your trains are too full and I am tired of standing all the way to work. I think your transportation is worse than that which people enjoyed 2000 years ago.

Patrick Finnegan.

Answer form BR:

Dear Mr. Finnegan, we acknowledge your letter on the shortcomings of our service but believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transport 2000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely, British Rail.

Reply from Finnegan:

Gentlemen, it is you who are confused about history. I refer you to the Bible, Kings chapter 9: “Balaam rode to town on his ass”.

That is something I have not been able to do on your train for the last two years.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have hear him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow. some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died. I’m married to his %@#$%!# widow.”

What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law.

A great lawyer knows the judge.