Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumor.

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students … ?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”

“Test of Three?”

“That’s correct,” Socrates continued.

“Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man replied, “actually I just heard about it.”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

“No, on the contrary …”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, “You may still pass though because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really …”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that : “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”

However, in government (and in corporate America) more advanced strategies are often employed … such as :

1. Applying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than live horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Wife’s diary :

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing..’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband’s diary :

A five putt … who the hell five putts ?!

This guy comes home from work and sits in his favourite chair, he says to his wife, “Honey, it is about to start, please can you get me a beer.”

A short while later after finishing the beer, he asks again “It is about to start very soon, please can you get me one more beer.”

A short while later he goes again “It is about to start any minute, please can you get me just one more beer.”

A few moments later he goes “It is going to start any second, please please could you get me just one last beer.”

And she goes, “I have 3 kids to bath, a meal to cook for you, a house to clean …”

And he goes, “Oy vey, it has already started.”

A team of archaeologists were excavating certain ruins in Israel, when they came upon a cave.

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the hieroglyphics were believed to be at least three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was removed and brought to a museum. Archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held countless meetings and after months of study they held a conference to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed at the first drawing and said: “The first symbol looks like a woman. We can therefore judge that this civilization was family oriented and held women in high esteem.

You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol, resembling a donkey, means they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they crafted tools to help them with their daily chores.

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which symbolises that when famine hit the earth, whereby food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food.

The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”

The rest of the audience applauded enthusiastically, entirely in agreement with the President.

Until the Rabbi, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and shouted:

“Schmucks!”

“Hebrew is read from right to left – not left to right.”

“What it says is : Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!“

A young law student, having failed his law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”

Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”

Student: “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as they are. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”.

Professor: “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ”

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

“All right” says the professor, and asks his favourite student to answer.

“It’s quite easy, sir” says the student. “You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an “A”, which is neither legal nor logical !!!”