Category Archives: Laugh out loud
Laughter is the best medicine.
The leads …
Tommy O’Connor went to confession and said, “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
“What have you done Tommy O’Connor?”
“I had sex with a girl.”
“Who was it, Tommy?”
“I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin.”
“Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?”
“No father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was.”
“Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?”
“No father, please forgive me for my sin.”
“Well then it has to be, Sarah Martha O’Keefe.”
“No father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was.”
“Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary’s and 4 Our Fathers and you will be absolved of your sin.”
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph was waiting. “What did ya get?” asked Joseph.
“Well I got 5 hail Mary’s, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads.”
TGIF !
Einstein said to Chaplin: “What I most admire about your art, is your universality. You don’t say a word, and the rest of the world understand you.”
“It is true”, answered Chaplin, “but your glory is even greater: The whole world admires you, even if they don’t understand a word of what you say.”
First time on a blind date …
Croc of …
Fat food …
Taste the soup !
From the film “Coming to America” …
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait stop right there! Listen: Stop right there, man.
A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin’?
A man goes into a restaurant, and he sits down, he’s having a bowl of soup and he says to the waiter, waiter come taste the soup.
Waiter says: Is something wrong with the soup?
He says: Taste the soup.
He says: Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?
He says: Will you taste the soup?
What’s wrong, is the soup too cold?
Will you just taste the soup?!
Allright, I’ll taste the soup – where’s the spoon??
Aha. Aha!
Whadaya know from funny, you bastards?
Another gem from the New Yorker
For everything else, there’s MasterCard
Priceless !
If you can …
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG.
PrettyApt 