https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxRUBPDN-tU

http://elitedaily.com/news/world/one-man-singlehandedly-hacks-entire-travel-industry-video/962987/

An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside:
“Get your treatment for $500, if not healed get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “This is gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “But that is gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.”
Doctor: “But this is $500 …”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back!
That will be $500.”

Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.

The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.

The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Queensland.

After a little while the Victorian woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.”

The lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”

The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.”

Again, the lady from Mount Isa commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”

The first woman went on, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”

Yet again, the Mount Isa lady commented, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”

The first woman then asked, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”

“My husband sent me to charm school,” declared the Mount Isa lady.

“Charm school?” the first woman cried, “Oh, my Lord! What could they teach you??”

The Mount Isa lady responded, “Well as an example… instead of saying, “Who gives a Fuck?” I learned to say, “Well, isn’t that fantastic?”… or as my fellow out-laws in North Carolina say: “Bless his heart.”

http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2014/07/84-year-old-man-surprises-americas-got.html

An Irishman went to confession and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’

The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and as you said, that’s the same as putting it in!’

A doctor addressing a large audience in Oxford …

“The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by germs in our drinking water.

But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake”.