A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of water and the Chinese man get the task to be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can’t find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells “SUPPLIES!”

http://www.tickld.com/x/30-actual-sentences-found-in-patients-hospitalcharts

A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.

“Your trouble is probably in the carburettor,” said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer.

“Yes, yes,” the man replied.

“Oh! I wouldn’t listen to Bessie,” said the farmer. “She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

“I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean!
The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white.
There is no dirt anywhere – it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.”

“Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”

Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLr_TO5OEOM

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

“Yes”, he replied.

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, “Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don’t want her to share me with anyone, so THAT’S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez.”

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others … MOSTLY his wife!

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

As many of you may know I don’t use Facebook so I try to make friends without using Facebook.

I walk around the streets every day telling random people how well I slept last night, what I ate, how I feel, what I am doing and what I will do.

I also listen to their conversations and tell them each time that I like it.

RESULT:
I have already 3 people following me:
2 police officers and 1 psychiatrist …