A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer won’t be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts.
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything… he hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American bees.
As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.
By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lion’s cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says “What’s the food like here?”
The lion say: “Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees!”

I KNOW, I KNOW BUT YOU’RE STILL GOING TO FORWARD IT ON, I CAN TELL …

Two astronauts land on Mars. Their mission: to check whether there is oxygen on the planet.

“Give me the box of matches,” says one.

“Either it burns and there is oxygen, or nothing happens.”

He takes the box, and is ready to strike a match when, out of the blue, a little green Martian appears waving all six of his arms and yelling…”No, no, don’t!”

The two guys look at each other, worried. Could there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars?

Still, he takes another match… and… A crowd of hysterical green Martians is coming to them, all waving their arms: “No, no, don’t do that!”

One of the astronauts says, “This looks serious. What are they afraid of?

Nonetheless we’re here for Science, to know if man can breathe on Mars.”

So he strikes a match… which flames up, burns down, and NOTHING HAPPENS!!

So he turns to the Martians and asks, “Why did you want to prevent us from striking a match?

The leader of the Martians says, “It’s Shabbos’