Adam and Eve said, ‘Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonely here and it’s difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’

And God said, ‘I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.’

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’

And God said, ‘I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name and you will call him DOG.’

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and  preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved but perhaps too well.’

And God said, ‘I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are.

The companion will remind them of their limitations so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.’

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And the Cat  . . .  didn’t give a shit one way or the other.

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass ?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”

Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story?

Look at Congress — over 300 lawyers !!!

Two Australians were sitting around and talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while, the first Australian says to the second,”If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?”

The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.

Finally he says, “Well, I don’t know about related, but I reckon it’d make us even!!!”

Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Russ didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something… But after Russ hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Russ!

Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?’

Russ replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Sam. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Russ said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’  ‘Yeah,’ said Sam, ‘I remember her. What about her?’

‘Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ‘guilty’.

‘The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’