A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?”

Husband answers: “Because he’s thinking of getting married.”

A vagabond, tired and hungry, was trudging along a country road in England when he came upon a roadside inn called “George and the Dragon.”

He knocked on the door.
The innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out of a window.
“Could ye spare some food please?” he asked.
The woman looked at his wretched condition and said, “No!” – rather sternly.
“Might I have a pint of ale then, please?”
“No!” she snapped again.
“Might I just sleep in your stable please?”
“No!” She was fairly shouting.
He tried again: “Might I please…?”
“What now?” the woman screamed.
“Might I have a word with George?”