I have been writing down and collecting funny, quirky stories from my adventures in Kyiv for over 14 years. Here is one of them.

So, we are all on the phone one morning, and in the apartment building there is quite a bit of renovation/construction work going on, because it is still a “new” building and not all the residents are living there yet. Between, Monday and Friday you often hear hammers and drills and it generally is ok, as it may be a few floors down, or, above. But that day it was very very loud – it has happened a few times, and when they drill into the concrete the whole building can hear it. When it goes quiet you can think again. Not the biggest problem in the world, and they always stop promptly at 7 pm each day, during the week.

So, where were we … we are all on the phone, and the drilling is loud and I can’t hear shit, and they can hear over the phone the loud noise. Craig, who is on the call, says “When will they stop all the construction work ?”

The noise is most of the times in the distance and not very loud. About once a week it is loud, and only for a few hours at a time. Like that morning. The first time we hear this extra loud concrete drilling we all got a fright – it felt like the building was about to fall down. Once it was so loud and I scurried downstairs to the admin office and in broken Russian I asked about the construction.

Zhanna, the cool lady who looks after the building, speaks English. She is a very kind person with a great sense of humour. I chat with her and her colleagues, Sergey, Sergey and Sergey (it gets confusing sometimes). Between my scatty Russian, they understand that I am stressed and worried. They tell me all is normal and that I must not worry.

What I really want to find out is “When will this current drilling be complete so that we have an idea as to what date the noise will ease off ?” And that is when things get colourful.

Eastern European culture is very very defensive. No one is ever wrong and no one ever makes a mistake. Did you watch that brilliant TV show Chernobyl? That is an example of this culture.

So, when I ask when the drilling may end they straight away get defensive and start telling me that they are doing nothing wrong and that the builders are following the rules and that they are allowed to drill from 9 am to 7 pm from Monday to Friday.

I say that all is cool and yes, I tell them that I know all of this. I just want to try find out when their construction project will end so we can try plan ahead. For example, I tell them, that if they are only going to drill for one more week then we will be ok, but if it is for 3 months then maybe we will go walk in the park during the day … trying to explain to them why we want to know. And, it is a simple question : we just want to know. Call me curious.

Again, they start with : But what is the problem ?

I again say that there is no problem and that I am just curious. I just want to try find out when the drilling will stop.

They are not hearing me, and their view is that I am complaining and causing trouble.

I pick up on this and say that I am not complaining – I just want to try and find out when they may be ending their construction.

And again it goes on with the defensive push back. No one understands what I am on about, and because I am soft spoken and not aggressive, they are very confused. To them I look like a doose – a guy that is complaining and he looks not happy.

I am not complaining and I am not happy or unhappy – I am just polite and am trying, for the love of God, to get an answer. They pull out some paperwork and point out that we also made construction in our apartment and no one complained when we were making noise. I can see that I am now being labelled a trouble maker, and if this were Soviet times I would be sent to Siberia for my bad attitude.

Craig says to me, “This shit there never changes.” Craig has been to Kyiv many times and has experienced this when we shot that Ukraine concept video back in 2018.

The thing is, they have been suffering in Ukraine for over 1000 years. And we had been suffering, because of the drilling noise, for a few hours. Well, not exactly suffering but it was very loud, and you can’t work when the drilling is happening. They can’t understand what I am complaining about. But I am not complaining. If there was drilling for a 1000 years, then go ahead and complain, but their view is go back, and enjoy the noise, because for a long time we didn’t have any drilling. So, they seem to like drilling and can’t understand why we would complain about it. But I was not complaining. I was simply trying to find out when they estimate the construction will finally be over.

In the end we all laughed, nervously, and I left clueless, and with them all being suspicious of me. The next time I went to ask them something they all disappeared when they saw me coming. Like it was “Look, there’s the complainer again, coming to make trouble.”

I did not complain. I was simply trying to find out when …

They have been suffering here since +- 400 AD, when Kyiv was formed. They reckon a bit of suffering builds character. I guess the drilling noise is seen, er, heard, as a positive thing. And they don’t like trouble makers, who complain, and then start revolutions.

I am not starting a revolution. I was just trying to find out when the construction guys may end be coming to the end of their building project.

I am laughing now, as I write up this story. I miss Zhanna and Sergey and Sergey and Sergey. I miss everyone in Kyiv. They are soulful people with big hearts. I hope we can return to Kyiv soon. And I miss the drilling. Those were good times.

I laugh a lot in Kyiv. I always tell people that the sense of humour of Ukrainians is the best I have ever experienced. And I have lived in different parts of the world.

The global stereotype is quite the opposite though. People often say things like “Ukraine is full of serious people who look miserable”. And yet, they have never even been to Ukraine, so where does this come from. Yes, when you arrive at the airport in Kyiv and some older, heavy-set looking man, in a leather coat, and an old style looking Soviet hat, comes up to you abruptly and goes “You vont texi ?!” then your first impression will match the stereotype. But start talking to a taxi driver when you leave the airport and the chances are you will be laughing soon.

There is no political correctness in Ukraine and people are straight forward and pretty direct. This often leads to very funny situations. And they laugh with their souls. Ukrainians are smart, and enjoy a good joke. Also, other things which add to the humour are cultural and language differences. I am a funny guy (even if I say so myself) so when you take a quirky, nerdy foreigner and you have him interact with smart, funny people, there is a lot of scope of comedy.

Look at the ongoing nightmare of a war. The most depressing and terrifying thing any of us has ever experienced, and yet, with all this insanity and horror, there are a flow of jokes coming out of Ukraine. The government on Twitter is making official jokes. These guys are funny. I am telling you. Come to Kyiv when the war is over – you will laugh a lot.

The jokes about the tractors and this new postage stamp that celebrates the “Go f__k yourself” story, just keep on coming. Ukraine is a funny country. Quite the opposite of what the stereotype would have you believe.

“Many early Jewish comedians in the US emigrated from Odessa to New York 100 to 140 years ago.

You can make a compelling argument, and many academics and comedians have, that the style of modern Jewish-American humor — from Jerry Seinfeld to Mel Brooks to Larry David — stems from Odessa, with its neurotic and pessimistic flavor. (Is there any better kind?)”

I have heard many people talk about the “genius of Putin” over the years. Yes, a hard, twisted, narcissist of a man, but a very smart dictator … I am not sure about this. Not that I ever thought he was ever that clever.

A few days ago I was texting with my old friend Branko and I said to him, “What if Putin is actually an idiot?” and he responded with, “That is my big worry.”

If Putin really did fear NATO expansion will then this insane war of his has backfired. NATO is re-energized and now Sweden and Finland are discussing joining. And as soon as that happened we read headlines like, “Russia threatens Sweden, Finland with ‘negative consequences’ of joining NATO”.

If Putin really wanted to disarm Ukraine then this has also backfired. Ukraine is united like never before, and armed to the hilt, with more and more hardware rolling in all the time. Yes, the opposite is happening. Ukraine is becoming the most armed country in Europe and their military experience is by now through the roof.

Putin is no genius. I am starting to believe he is an idiot. And what kind of a superpower is Russia? Their army is incompetent and unprofessional. Barbaric is the word, and out of touch. With no purpose or clue.

I was listening to Fiona Hill on an Ezra Klein podast and she says, “Putin wants to make this war about the United States, NATO and Russia”. This guy may actually be off his head. If Putin is in fact a mad idiot then God knows how this is going to play out. But it does give me hope that his days are numbered. It can’t be that everyone around him is the same. Surely at some point they are going to want to get rid of this idiot.