God will save me

It rained for days and days and there was a terrific flood. The water rose so high that one man was forced to climb on top of his roof and sat in the rain. As the waters came up higher a man in a rowboat came up to the house and told him to get in. “No thank you, the Lord will save me!” he said, and the man in the rowboat rowed away.

The waters rose to the edge of the roof and still the man sat on the roof until another rowboat came by and another man told him to get in. “No thank you, the Lord will save me!” he said again, and the man rowed away.

The waters covered the house and the man was forced to sit on his chimney as the rain poured down and a helicopter came by and another man urged him to get in or he’ll drown. “No thank you,” the man said again, “The Lord will save me!”

After much begging and pleading the man in the helicopter gave up and flew away. The waters rose above the chimney and the man drowned and went to heaven where he met God.

“Lord, I don’t understand,” he told Him, frustrated, “The waters rose higher and higher and I waited hours for you to save me but you didn’t! Why?”

The Lord just shook his head and said, “What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter?!”

Great answer !

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

“Amazing!” he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

“I can get away from him – no problem!” thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120mph, then 130mph then 140mph. Suddenly, he thought, “What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense!”

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver’s side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir”, said the policeman.

Bob Mankoff: Anatomy of a New Yorker cartoon

From TED : The New Yorker receives around 1,000 cartoons each week; it only publishes about 17 of them. In this hilarious, fast-paced, and insightful talk, the magazine’s longstanding cartoon editor and self-proclaimed “humor analyst” Bob Mankoff dissects the comedy within just some of the “idea drawings” featured in the magazine, explaining what works, what doesn’t, and why. Bob Mankoff is the cartoon editor of The New Yorker, as well as an accomplished cartoonist in his own right.

This is really fantastic … a must watch and listen – so much wisdom here.

A million engineers in India struggling to get placed in an extremely challenging market

“Somewhere between a fifth to a third of the million students graduating out of India’s engineering colleges run the risk of being unemployed. Others will take jobs well below their technical qualifications in a market where there are few jobs for India’s overflowing technical talent pool. Beset by a flood of institutes (offering a varying degree of education) and a shrinking market for their skills, India’s engineers are struggling to subsist in an extremely challenging market.”

http://articles.economictimes.indiatimes.com/2013-06-18/news/40049243_1_engineers-iit-bombay-batch-size

The Iraqi rugby player

The Lions manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play rugby, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Gauteng. Two weeks later the Lions are 18-6 down to The Blue Bulls with only 20 minutes left to play. The manager gives the young Iraqi winger the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 4 tries in 20 minutes and wins the game for the Lions. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Super 14 Rugby. “Hello mum, guess what?” he says “I played for 20 minutes today, and we were 18-6 down but I scored 4 tries and we won! Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me!” “Wonderful,” says his mum, “Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed; your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten; your brother has joined a gang of looters and all while you were having such a great time playing rugby” The young lad is very upset. “What can I say mum, but I am so sorry.” “Sorry?! Sorry?!’ shrieks his mum, “It’s your fault we moved to Jo’Burg in the first Place.”