I’ve never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, but then she said “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she said the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day, I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, high-end department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. But, I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She appeared to be almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear; let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”

I then said “Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently, I’m not having sex tonight either.

A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of water and the Chinese man get the task to be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can’t find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells “SUPPLIES!”