An airline introduced a special package for business men. Buy your ticket; get your wife’s ticket free.

After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how the trip was.

All of them gave the same reply… “What trip?”

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute … “do you know who the father is?”

“For heaven sakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?”

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny …

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’

The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies, ‘The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.’

A man is watching a game of golf on TV.

But he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.

“I don’t know whether to watch them or the game”, he says to his wife.

“For Heaven’s sake, watch them,” his wife says. “You already know how to play golf!

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, “How you doin?”

“Paddy says, “Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.”

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you.”

They say, “Get away with ya…. prove it.”

Mick shouts downstairs, “Paddy, both of em?”

Paddy shouts back, “Of course both of em, what’s the point of fuckin one?”

Paddy called EASYJET to book a flight. The operator asks, “How many people are flying with you?”

Paddy replies “I don’t know! It’s your bloody plane. “

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.”

“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this… when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: Your ear or your finger … ?!”