No matter how much whiskey you’ve had, you can still Fish. You don’t have to hide your Fishing magazines.

It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while. The Ten Commandments don’t say anything against Fishing.

If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

Your Fishing partner doesn’t get upset about people you fished with long ago. It’s perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

When you see a really good Fishing person, you don’t have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

If your regular Fishing partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you Fish with someone else.

Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if he’s really an undercover cop. You don’t have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighbourhood to buy Fishing stuff.

You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite co-workers to.

Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment. There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

If you want to watch Fishing on television, it does not cost extra, like when you have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life. Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

You don’t have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favourite activity.

Your Fishing partner will never say, “Not again? We just Fished last week!”

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man, is something bothering you?”

“Negative, ma’am, just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action. Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

“1955, ma’am.”

“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said: ‘It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.’

“That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass …

This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.’

“Correct.” A third glass …

“It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father …”

One day my Bobba was out, and my Zaida was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Zaida was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such ‘yummy’ tea, my Bobba came home.

My Zaida made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ Zaida waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Zaida, and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a Bobba would know), “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”

http://www.mustsharejokes.com/page/George+Carlin+Jokes

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said ‘nothing’.

The reason I said that instead of saying ‘just thinking’ is because she would have said ‘about what’. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.” On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”