Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In the pool.”

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

One seventy year old man says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.”

An eighty year old man says, “My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement.”

The ninety year old man says, “At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow.”

“So what’s your problem?” asked the others. “You sound very lucky.”

“Lucky? What do you mean lucky … I don’t wake up until nine.”