Please, take good care of yourself this holiday season!

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by jerks who drink bottled water, Starbucks, soft drinks, fruit juice, energy drinks, and crap like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

This message was put out there because we care about your safety.

Deceased, sadly, Davy Jones …

Davy Jones on meeting his 28 year old, future wife when he was 61:

“She turned to me one day,” he told the Daily Mail in May 2011, “and said: ‘Let’s run upstairs and make love.’ I looked at her. ‘At my age,’ I said, ‘it’s going to have to be one or the other.'”

These new 3-D TV’s are so realistic. I dozed off last night watching a documentary about immigrants, when I woke up my wallet was gone.

Paddy tells Mick he’s thinking of buying a Labrador. “You crazy”, say’s Mick, “Have you seen how many of their owners go blind.”