Author Archives: ronnieapteker

Logical and legal

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A young law student, having failed his law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”

Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”

Student: “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as they are. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”.

Professor: “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ”

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

“All right” says the professor, and asks his favourite student to answer.

“It’s quite easy, sir” says the student. “You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an “A”, which is neither legal nor logical !!!”

Vot would you say ?

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Shmuel had a bad car accident involving a large truck.

Weeks later, in court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Shmuel.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.

Shmuel responded, “Vell, I’ll tell you vat happened. I just put my dog Moishele, into the …”

“I didn’t ask for any details”, the lawyer interrupted.

“Just answer the question.” Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?”

Shmuel said, “Vell, I just got Moishele into the car and vas driving down the road …”

“The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Shmuel’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his dog Moishele.”

Shmuel thanked the Judge and proceeded. “Vell, like I vas saying, I just loaded Moishele, my lovely hundteleh (dog), into the car and vas driving him down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I vas thrown into one ditch and Moishele vas thrown into the other. I vas hurting, real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I heard Moishele moaning and groaning. I knew he vas in terrible shape just by his groans. Den a highway patrolman came along. He could hear Moishele moaning and groaning so he vent over to him. After he looked at him, and saw vat terrible condition Moishele was in, he took out his gun and shoots him between the eyes. Den the Patrolman comes across the road, gun still in hand, looks at me and says, “How you feeling?”

“Nu, Judge, vat vould you say?”

Guerrillas in the midst

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Have you ever been involved in a low-budget film adventure? The most common question you get asked is about the favours you pulled in to get it done. I have been involved in a few of these inspired journeys and I can tell you this has nothing to do with favours. It is a combination of lessons learned, careful planning, a solid vision, and most importantly, it is a function of good people. They say ideas move mountains, but the truth is, people move mountains. You don’t need a lot of money to write a book, compose a song, shoot a film or develop software. You need inspiration and many late nights.

One has to be in start-up mode to attack a challenge like this. It is guerrilla style film making and here is the rulebook :

No catering
No chairs
No portable toilets
No drivers
No trailers
No parking
No cellphone allowance
No assistants
No attitudes
No nonsense
No offices

And here is the methodology :

Plan, plan plan
Triple check all details
One week off, one week on
Triple check everything again
Find closest McDonald’s (toilets)
Find closest garage (coffee and food)
Find grass patch (chairs)
Back-up all footage
Pray for good weather
Have fun, take chances

Making a movie takes time. The film shoot though is the quickest part. First you got to have a vision. Then a script needs be developed. This is easier said than done. A good script can take a lifetime. A mediocre script can take a month. Then you got to plan the production. The longer you plan, the better. In fact, if you never shoot the movie you will be ahead. Ok ok, that sounds crazy, but consider that there is a 1 in 20 chance an independent film will work. So, if you want to win this game the best bet is not to play. Planning, planning and more planning. And then it starts: lights, camera, action! All through this, with a handful of crew.

After the shoot ends the long, tough stuff, begins, Yes, the edit. This is where the dream is made or broken. This is where opinions clash, chirps fly in every direction, and tempers flare. If you survive this part the next thing to do are screen tests. You got to have nerves of steel to listen to other people criticize your work, but that is the name of the game. You make a product, that no one has asked for, that no one really needs, and then you see if anyone is prepared to recommend it to their friends.

There is a big difference between making a film (production) and selling a film (the film business); just like there is a big difference between writing software and selling software. Yes, then starts the real work, distribution and marketing.

Not an easy thing to get right at all. In my view, nothing is harder.

TGIF

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A group of 40-year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.