Author Archives: ronnieapteker

I would send you a shorter email, but I don’t have time

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We all overcomplicate our lives. I am starting to understand what constitutes a genius more and more. I think the smartest people know how to keep things simple. A genius is often described as someone who lives in their own world. Perhaps we can interpret this to mean that this is someone who just does not buy into all the distractions found in the mediocre mainstream. And yes, this is a whole other discussion, so let me keep things simple here. After all, this text here is about simplicity.

I actually heard someone say the other day “I would send you a shorter email but I just don’t have time.” And this got me thinking. It takes time to simplify things. It takes time to get to the point. It seems to be easier to waffle on and on.

I get many film scripts sent to me, but when I ask for a one paragraph description or a one page summary I get this silence on the other end of the phone. An interesting paradox indeed.

We were always taught in school about keeping it simple. There was that expression “KISS” which stands for “Keep It Simple, Stupid”. We all tend to fill our lives with so many time-wasting distractions. Perhaps this is what gives us comfort. God forbid we have to deal with real issues.

So, without confusing anyone any further, or myself for that matter, let me keep today’s rambling short and simple. It is simplicity we ultimately all need to strive for. It is something I am trying to achieve in my own life. I hope I get it right. I need to.

Dreaded call …

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My boss phoned me today. He said, “Is everything okay at the office?”

I said, “Yes, it’s all under control. It’s been a very busy day, I haven’t stopped.”

“Can you do me a favor?” he asked.

I said, “Of course, what is it?”

Speed it up a little, I’m in the foursome behind you.”

God will save me

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It rained for days and days and there was a terrific flood. The water rose so high that one man was forced to climb on top of his roof and sat in the rain. As the waters came up higher a man in a rowboat came up to the house and told him to get in. “No thank you, the Lord will save me!” he said, and the man in the rowboat rowed away.

The waters rose to the edge of the roof and still the man sat on the roof until another rowboat came by and another man told him to get in. “No thank you, the Lord will save me!” he said again, and the man rowed away.

The waters covered the house and the man was forced to sit on his chimney as the rain poured down and a helicopter came by and another man urged him to get in or he’ll drown. “No thank you,” the man said again, “The Lord will save me!”

After much begging and pleading the man in the helicopter gave up and flew away. The waters rose above the chimney and the man drowned and went to heaven where he met God.

“Lord, I don’t understand,” he told Him, frustrated, “The waters rose higher and higher and I waited hours for you to save me but you didn’t! Why?”

The Lord just shook his head and said, “What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter?!”

Great answer !

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A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

“Amazing!” he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

“I can get away from him – no problem!” thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120mph, then 130mph then 140mph. Suddenly, he thought, “What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense!”

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver’s side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir”, said the policeman.