A young Chinese couple get married.

She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

“My darring,” he whispers, “I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?” he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, “I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls… Nummaa 69.”

More thoughtful silence but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her… “You want… Garlic chicken with corrifrowa?”

A Scotsman and his girlfriend walked past a swanky new restaurant.

“Did you smell that food?” she asked. “Incredible!”

Being a “kind-hearted Scotsman”, he thought, “What the heck … I’ll treat her!”

So, they walked past it again …