Wife : “Where the hell have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by noon!”

Husband : “I’m so sorry Honey … but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”

Wife : “I want the truth, and I want it NOW!”

Husband : “Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button.

On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money. Of course I refuse it. Then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She’s such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it, one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.

Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I’m in her room … clothes are flying … the talking stopped … and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am.

There. You wanted the truth … you got it.”

Wife : “Bullshit. You played 36 holes, didn’t you!”