Debra or Jack

Business had been terrible and was not picking up.

I had to fire somebody and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because both were super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover, after partying all night she went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

I approached her and said. “Debra, I’ve never done this before, but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”

“Could you jack off for now?” She replied. “I feel like shit. If you can wait, I’ll do you at lunchtime.”

I had to let Jack go.

Grandfather of the year

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things.

The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long”.

Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there”.

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart.

Grandfather says again in a controlled voice, “William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading is groceries and the boy into the car.

She says, “It’s none of my business but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather.”

“Thanks,” says the grandfather, “but I am William, this little bastard’s name is Kevin.”