They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.
Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?
Four Jewish brothers left home for college. All became successful and prospered. One became a doctor, another a lawyer, another an accountant and one became a vet. All became rich. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother, who lived far away in another city.
The first said, “I had a big house built for Mama.”
The second said, “I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house.”
The third said, “I had a Mercedes dealer deliver her a S500 with a chauffeur.”
The fourth said, “Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Torah and you know she can’t anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this Rabbi who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the temple, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.”
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mama sent out her “thank you” notes.
Milton – Bubbeleh, the house you built is so huge, I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.
Marvin – Mine Shayne Kindeleh. I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver you hired is a Nazi. The thought was good. Thanks.
Menachim – Tataleh, you give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.
To Melvin she wrote …
Dearest Melvin – You were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
The chicken was delicious !!!
This notice can now be found in French churches:
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l’appel de Dieu. Par contre, il n’est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone. Merci d’avoir éteint votre téléphone. Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et parle lui. Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS en conduisant.
Translation: It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God. On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone. Thank you for turning off your phone. If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and talk to him. If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.