Wine Taster

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said: ‘It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.’

“That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass …

This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.’

“Correct.” A third glass …

“It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father …”

Farmer Jack

Farmer Jack once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

So Farmer Jack called the local police station to complain, “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.

“What do you want me to do?” asked the policeman.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:
SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer Jack called the policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer Jack called and said, “Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?”

In order to get Farmer Jack off his back said “Sure. Put up your own sign.”

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, “How’s the problem with the speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down.

So he drove out to Farmer Jack’s house. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
‘NUDIST COLONY’
‘Slow down and watch for chicks!

A cup of tea made with cold water

One day my Bobba was out, and my Zaida was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Zaida was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such ‘yummy’ tea, my Bobba came home.

My Zaida made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ Zaida waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Zaida, and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a Bobba would know), “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”