What is sex ?

Two women are talking about sex
Tell me, what is sex?
Sex is when you dress up go to a bar flirt with a guy he buys you drinks.
You go to bed and he lives some money on your table.
And what is good sex?
Good sex is when you dress up go to a bar flirt with a guy he buys you drinks you go to bed and he leaves lots of money on your table.
And what is love?
Love? That’s a Jewish invention to avoid leaving money on the table.

How do you get luckier

The thing about luck is being able to recognize it when it hits. If you dig for oil in a place where there is no oil then you will never have any luck. So, when you know something and you ignore it, then that is bad luck. And conversely, if you try take a product to market in a place where there is demand, well, then, you are in a with a chance. Luck is all about having a chance to win. And the more you try, the closer you will get to your realize your goal.

Know where to dig for oil – it will spare you a lot of heartache.

The American industrialist J. Paul Getty once said the secret to success was: “You wake up early, you work hard, and you find oil.” He hit the jackpot! Tomorrow you could get up in the morning, and find gold in your back yard, and the rest will be history. Of course, the more you dig, the more you have a chance to find the glory at the end of the rainbow. But one thing is for sure, if you dig for oil in the wrong place you are not going to find it.

http://coolfidence.com/how-do-i-get-luckier-solution-20016

New world – new words

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Senior Love and Health Update

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me, ‘You need a piece of tail.’

I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back, ‘Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!’