If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG.
“The Russians don’t need images of women playing tennis, wearing white pants and riding around on horses all day to sell tampons – they get straight to the point.”
“In the 1970s and 1980s, a generous spirit suffused the Internet, whose users were few and far between. But today, the net is ubiquitous, connecting billions of people, machines and essential pieces of infrastructure — leaving us vulnerable to cyber-attack or meltdown. Internet pioneer Danny Hillis argues that the Internet wasn’t designed for this kind of scale, and sounds a clarion call for us to develop a Plan B: a parallel system to fall back on if — or when — the Internet crashes.”
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a “Dear John” letter from his girlfriend back home.
It read as follows:
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just to great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you’ve been gone, and it’s not fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope … along with this note:
I’m so sorry, but I can’t quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take care, Ricky
Morris went to his rabbi for some needed advice. “Rabbi, tell me is it proper for one man to profit from another man’s mistakes?”
“No Morris, a man should not profit from another man’s mistakes” answered the rabbi.
“Are you sure Rabbi?”
“Of course, I’m sure, in fact I’m positive” exclaimed the Rabbi.
“Ok, Rabbi, if you are so sure, how about returning the two hundred dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife?”