Dog lovers

A dog lover, whose dog was a bitch and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours’ male dog while the neighbours were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.  However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate. Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, she called the veterinarian. Although it was late, he answered in a very grumpy voice. After having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“It just worked for me,” he replied.

THE BUYING OF THE SUIT (the Yiddisher way) …

When a man needs a suit, he and his wife go to the store.

The salesman and the wife make selections from the rack.

The husband tries them on.

The wife and the salesman discuss the fit, remarking on the fullness, thinness or any asymmetry of the husband’s body.

The jacket and pants are pulled, tucked, pleated and bunched in assessing the need for tailoring. Once a suit is chosen, the wife and the store’s tailor repeat the fitting procedure and then negotiate a date when the suit will be ready.

On leaving the store, the husband pays and may talk if he wishes.